Guide To Aging

Matt Groening Productions sent me Grampa Simpson's Guide to Aging, the fifth installment in the "Vault of Simpsonology" series by Mr. Groening (the writers here are Bill Morrison and Karen Bates.) It's an amusing, comic-laden piffle of 64 pages; since I'm now at the stage of life where I'm wading more deeply into Geezerhood, these pointed questions caught my eye. ..

AM I OLD?

1) When riding in the passenger seat of a car, do you constantly grab the armrest and slam your foot against the imaginary brake in your floorboard?

2) Have you ever asked the question, "Have you seen my teeth?" (But not in a bragging way.)

3) Does the skin on your upper arms keep moving several seconds after the rest of you has stopped?

4) When buying new pants, do you measure your waist closer to your sternum than your navel? ...

6) Have you ever thought to yourself: :I need a bigger medicine cabinet?"

7) Does Harrison Ford still look young to you? ...

12) When you meet strangers, do they automatically start talking loudly and slowly? ...

29) Do you have several pairs of reading glasses strategically placed around your house? ...

I found that most of these hit painfully close to home.